Le Blog des Grandes Ecoles

 

Ring, ring.

MC - Allo oui?

Pierre (with a very distinguished dragging emphatic voice characteristic of the inhabitants of that area of Paris, the XVI Arrondissement) - Oui, bonjour Monsieur Chartier, Henri de Villemont speaking.!

MC - This is not Henri de Villemont, who are you?

Pierre (with the same pitifully disguised voice) - No, you are right, I am his son. A gentleman called a moment ago, Le Baron Jaminière. He wanted to know the access code to the building. He happens to be a remote cousin of my family. Therefore, I would be most grateful if you could be so kind as to give it to him when he calls back in a little while.

MC (getting angry) - No, I’m not having it, I know who you are, the guy for the household products!

And he hung up. Still, it took me more than that to make me lose heart so I dialled again.

Ring, ring

MC - Allo oui?

Pierre (this time adopting an accent similar to Maurice Chevalier) - Bonjour monsieur, I am Capitaine Le Goff, in charge of the District Fire Brigade. An elderly lady phoned from this address, but she did not give the access code.

MC (sniffing a rat) - I have not heard any sirens!

Pierre - Of course, we do not want to disturb the quietness of the Arrondissement!

MC - You are not, by any chance, the same gentleman who called first about the household products, then disguised his voice as the managing agent of the building.

Pierre - What is his name?

MC - Something like Jamidière or Jamipière!

Pierre - It would not be the famous Baron de la Jaminière who was on TV last night by any chance?

MC - Stop your nonsense! I have had enough of you!

And he hung up again. He was becoming ripe for the final attack, one or two blows and he may be vulnerable, he would accept anything to keep his quiet.

So ... I dialled again, for the fourth and last time.

Ring, ring

MC (losing his patience) - Allo oui?

Pierre (barely disguising my voice) - Bonjour Monsieur Chartier, this is Le Commissaire Gildas. It has been brought to our attention that a certain company is pestering honest citizens with their insistence on obtaining the access codes to their building!

MC - Don’t mention it, I have had enough of it!

Pierre - This is exactly what I meant. We have to come round and conduct an investigation! What is the access code to your building?

MC (exploding) - Oh no, not again!

Pierre - Hang on, the firemen would also like to enter. Henri de Villemont, my cousin is a Jehovah’s Witness and he could sell you tickets for their annual ball. You have been selected to participate to a lottery draw on TV, with our guest of honour, le famous Baron Jaminière. The first prize is a set of three large toilet brushes, without handles, but you will be sent to a charming little village in the Jura mountains for three weeks, at your own expense, to learn how to make them from the local craftsmen. The second prize is a one-year free subscription to Bratia, the very first Polish pornographic magazine, pictures taken in a cellar, a tunnel or at night, in a house without any lit candles or bulbs, with plenty of naughty comments, in uncensored Polish. The Polish-French dictionary is optional and comes in twelve volumes for the incredible gift price of FF 3, .000 (£ 600 or £ 300), sent to you over five years. The third prize ....

MC (on the verge of a nervous breakdown) - Will you leave me alone!

Pierre - What about a 10% commission on all our sales?

MC (caught in the air, landing on his principles with a big thud) - What sort of money are we talking about?

Pierre - More in one month than you can make in a whole year!

MC - Come and see me tonight, after seven!

Pierre - We shall be delighted. Have a pleasant day, Monsieur Chartier.

I hung up, delighted. I felt like Julius Caesar in the circus two thousand odd years ago when he would stand, raise his hand at nose level, then turn his thumb up or down to decide about the immediate future of the losing gladiators.

Valentine, François and Catherine were laughing and I was happy. The sight of a woman engrossed in laughter is the next best thing to seeing, making, feeling her moan and groan.

We spent the rest of the day calling people, using the sheet of paper that they had prepared during their training course, which read like this:

‘Bonjour, Madame/Monsieur ...... My name is ....... I represent a company who manufactures and sells lingerie clothing. We are looking at expanding our customer base and especially our sales network. Can we rely on your support?

(The person would have hung up in most cases, at that moment or event before. In case the person was still there, the point was to make him or her say something. The person’s response will not often be an invitation at a given time, probably question, objections related to money, lack of time or any other pressing emergencies. Then, back to the paper).

I see that you are in control of your life. Let me help you to benefit more from your time. This is our prime target.

(The person would then be sceptical, inquisitive, would accept an interview or hang up. Should the person still be at the other end of the line ...)

You do not have to spend any money right now. Simply have a look at what we have to offer. Do not rush into anything, there is no hurry. We want to establish good and lasting relationships with our customers. They often become friends, you know.

(If the person was running out of objections, make an appointment, if still  gaining time:)

Are you happy with your work, your family, with our existence?

(The person would question the relevance of the causal effect between household products and happiness and self-fulfilment:)

We are more than just a company, we are a friendly network, we have numerous exchanges between cities so that we all get to know one other better. We form a family, a real family. For us, work is not merely a means to make money, it should teach us to look at life with confidence!

(Here the person should be ripe:)

So what day can we come, Monday at (a.m.) or Wednesday at (p.m.)? (Always suggest two dates, so that the choice is not between yes and no, but between yes and yes)

Consequently, they would recite those lines over and over again, in turn for twenty minutes each, with the sheet of paper before their eyes. Valentine had half a dozen catches, François one or two more, Catherine wanted to reach ten. Therefore she persevered until she got her tenth appointment. She looked much more at peace with herself than the day before, when she had first stepped into my field of vision. I was glad to see her blossom. I also thought that, in case my dream of building an orphanage should come true, she might be the ideal candidate to run it. She was kind, dedicated and modest. I had, as usual, no clues whatsoever as to whether she wanted to taste me. I only hoped that neither I nor any other man would make her cry again.

On the business side, things were looking very bright, I had four appointments. It may not sound very exciting, but I had my secret weapon: the winter term was starting the following day and I intended to peddle our lingerie to some of my fellow students, many of them stemming from not-so-poor families, many others looking for part-time jobs, a land of opportunities, indeed.